Peer Review 11

Hello Nigel,

I actually empathise with what you say here. My high school was also a blend of different cultures, and each “friendship group” would mainly consist of one or two same or similar cultures. We also got along quite well, and it was only when “skirmishes” got really heated that the cultural insults got thrown out into the open.

And that is what I like about your post. It is blunt and honest, and your anecdote adds to its credibility. Although for “formal” purposes, I usually refrain from swearing, and suggest to others not to swear, the swearing in your post adds a personality to the content, as well as makes it more relevant to readers. Maybe replace some of the letters with asterisks instead?

Thank you for sharing your anecdote.

Kindest regards,

Vanessa

Peer Review 10

Hello Ally,

This is an amazing, blunt, and personal post, so thank you for sharing it. Your use of language is powerful, gets the message across effectively and succinctly; and I really appreciate your sarcastic rhetorical questions. It just strengthens your entire post!

I also like how you “hit the nail on the head”, and do not go “beating around the bush”. Yet when you use figurative language in this line: “This concealment fuels an undercurrent of racism that continues to poison society and persecute people for their ethnicity”, it is so beautifully constructed, the diction used is so effective, I think it is like a “reality punch”.

While your post could have been more formal (in terms of language, such as “university”, instead of “uni”), and use capital letters where needed (for example, “Master’s Degree”), I honestly would like to thank you for sharing such a meaningful and strong post.

Kindest regards,

Vanessa.

Peer Review 7

Hello Ronda!

I also share the opinion that Brett Whiteley’s artwork is more contemporary; and I definitely feel the studio visit was an incredible experience! And also like you, I am not saying that the Art Gallery visit, and the viewing of William Blake’s Plates are any less important!

In terms of your post itself, I found the first line very awkward, particularly: ‘… there was a significant difference for me of viewing “The Book of Job” to that of “Alchemy…”‘. I think you could have used different words, because ‘difference’ and ‘of’ do not seem to read well in those positions. Also, ‘its’ should be ‘it’s’, and ‘favorite’ is missing its ‘u’. These are the main hiccups I picked up.

Overall, thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience!

Vanessa.

Peer Review 6

Hello Danielle!

Your post is extremely informative and well-structured. I like how you are able to intertwine your personal opinions with facts. I especially enjoyed the artistic jargon, because it adds a sense of authority and credibility to your post. Moreover, it communicates the idea that you have a passion for art – this I cannot be sure of, not knowing you personally!

The only suggestions I can leave you are very minor. In your first paragraph, you probably could have used a couple more commas (this is just a personal opinion). And also, when referring to literary movements, you should use capital letters (e.g. “realist” to “Realist”). I notice that you do so later in your post. Finally, sometimes your diction is awkward; again, this is my personal opinion, but the first two lines of your final paragraph have me pausing.

However, I still enjoyed your post! Keep up the good work!

Vanessa.

Peer Review 5

Hello Marlon!

What an amazing composition you have here! I love how contemporary the content of your poem is; and I can completely relate to the line: “I’d rather hear about people fighting to find deadly diseases cures,/Than news about the Kardashians or Jenners getting matching pedicures.” Moreover, I like how you add a serious edge to seemingly light issues of today, such as Defqon, with your rhetorical questions which question the “values” of today’s society. Your italicised comments that link back to William Blake are also effectively used, and well-integrated into your modernised poem. The only suggestion I can give is that your punctuation at times is questionable, such as a period used, when it should have been a comma (in my opinion, at least, because that’s when I would have paused).

And thank you for the hyperlink to the video – it really does make one pause to question today’s society.

Keep up your excellent work! Love your style!

Vanessa.

Peer Review 3

Hello Ashleigh!

I like how your response to the blog question was clear – that is, you had a paragraph on why you thought William Blake was lucky, and a separate paragraph explaining why he was unlucky.

In both cases, your use of personal pronouns, capitalisation of words, and low modality (e.g. “If only they knew…”) really intensify the presence of your voice in your blog post. I think they add emphasis to your opinions. Moreover, I like how you integrated a small reference to Blake’s letter to Thomas Butts.

However, I also think that you could have provided a more detailed exploration of your thoughts on why Blake was lucky and/or unlucky. This is because the strength of some of your opinions (especially: “… the fact that Blake had the courage to be himself… is what it means to be lucky…”) makes me want to know more of why you feel so strongly about these concepts.

Also, I think you were a little repetitive with some words, such as “lucky” and “unlucky”. While they are the key concepts you are writing about, you might have found substitutions for them, like, “fortunate” and “unfortunate”.

Nevertheless, what your blog post has really impressed upon me is that you are someone whose ideas can be communicated with a passion. Thank you for sharing this!

Keep up the good work!

Vanessa.

Peer Review 2

Hello Emma!

I like the language you used throughout your letter. It was sophisticated, and (in my opinion, at least) equal to the way William Blake himself would have expected to have been spoken to. I noticed that your first line did not run quite smoothly, as “has” should have been “have”. It is very minor, so do not worry! It just jarred me when I was reading your letter.

Your second paragraph is loaded with questions, evoking a tone that many of us adopted when we were reading Blake’s poems! The resultant sense of tension definitely shows how pressing the issues addressed by these questions were. Might I also suggest that you include some of your own interpretations and thoughts as to what the answers might be next time?

And (maybe it is just me) I feel that if you had finished your letter by “signing off” with your own name, it would have been more appropriate to the form of a letter. Besides, “Emma” is a lovely name!

Thank you for voicing a majority of our thoughts!

Vanessa.

Peer Review 1

Hey Luke!

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your letter, because the predominant tone and mood evoked really reflect who you are.

The tone accompanying your letter is extremely controlled, while the mood evoked is welcoming, beckoning the reader to draw closer to you, and listen to you read this letter aloud. Just like how Allen Ginsberg was drawn to William Blake’s poetry – through the voice.

However, I think your letter would benefit (in terms of being easier to read from the reader’s perspective) from the use of more commas, as your sentences are quite long. I say, “from the reader’s perspective”, only because the way your letter is written (with hardly any commas) contributes to the voice of the letter, which (when I read it) was purely “you”.

Thank you for teaching me how to enjoy reading by paying attention to the voice created!

Vanessa

Peer Review 10

Hayley,

Once again, you have displayed your ability to cater for a range of learners, what with your written sentences, and an audio/visual stimulus too.

I like how you started your blog post with a general introduction, before delving deeper into the public response to Pinter’s speech. You then had your input; and I found this structure effective, as it displays that you have considered other perspectives before commenting.

The video itself was, I agree, extremely intriguing. I love the contrast of the long silences, short outbursts, and the clapping. Truly a well-chosen resource.

Thank you for your post, and keep up the good work!

Peer Review 9

Bella,

Despite a few minor errors in spelling and punctuation, this draft is well written, as it really captures what I felt to be the essence of Mansfield’s story: the inability to move on, or adapt to change.

I instantly thought that your use of repetition was effective, as it reflects the sense of rigidity that was predominant in the story. It also echoes the sisters’ fixation on the control and presence of their father.

Moreover, your final paragraph is extremely powerful, because it is blunt. The sense of finality that is created juxtaposes with the wavering tone created by the conversation held between the sisters, which conveys to me that the sisters have had their hopes for freedom dashed. I also really like how you used rhyme in the last paragraph – it really highlighted their loss of hope, as well as their disappointment.

Keep up the good work!